Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
