So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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