I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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