I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
