I heard we made out
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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