Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.