omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.