i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic