he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.