Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS