i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?