You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.