Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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