Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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