weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
