Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize