I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
