I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
