hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
