Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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