He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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