We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need water and some morals
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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