I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
