I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
