At least make sure they are 18
Why
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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