Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
