shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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