you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
