i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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