The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
