I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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