so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
only if we run a train.
done.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
smell my finger.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
