Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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