I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
