Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
