If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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