the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
