Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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