4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Two words: nipple clamps
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