I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
