Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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