I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
