Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
