96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this will be a night to untag.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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