I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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