Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
