sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
