After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
