On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
