They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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