My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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