Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize