sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
