the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is Oprah even human
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
