god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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