I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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