We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
