Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize