peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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