I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
