jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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