i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's blow job season.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
