His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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