don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
