No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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