you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
