census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
